Episode 61
Premiering September 23, 2005
Guests: Willie Nelson, Rep. David Dreier, Christopher Hitchens, Katty Kay, George Galloway, Andrea Mitchell
On Hurricane Rita
"There is another storm now, as you know, Rita, about to devastate the Gulf Region again. President Bush said our prayers go out, to the executives at Chevron." – Bill Maher
On Vice President Cheney
"The other event that has people on edge this weekend, Vice President Cheney will undergo surgery for an aneurysm. And while he is under anesthetic, a man named George Bush will be in charge." – Bill Maher
On the Jet Blue Emergency Landing
"We had a little disaster excitement ourselves here: The Jet Blue Airliners. An airliner full of passengers had to make an emergency landing because the landing gear got stuck, and the irony is, the crew said it could easily have been fixed if someone on board just had a pocketknife." – Bill Maher
On Foreign Oil Dependency
"We have two cars, my wife and I, that run on vegetable oil. She has a Volkswagen. I have a Mercedes. They've never had anything in them expect 100% vegetable oil. Our bus is run on 100% soybeans. So there's no reason for us to be so dependent on foreign energy." – Willie Nelson
On Margaret Thatcher
"In the 20 years or so I've been in the House of Commons, by far the best performer at Prime Minister's Questions, was Mrs. Thatcher, who more than half of the country hated. But she could wipe the floor with the opposition leader before breakfast." – George Galloway
ON American Leadership
"In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright." – Bill Maher
On Critiquing the U.S.
"We're not running our country down when we criticize it. We're trying to make it better." – Bill Maher
ON GEORGE BUSH
"His eyes are so close together he could use a monocle." – Christopher Hitchens
"Christians believe in the Prophets, peace be upon them. Bush believes in the profits and how to get a piece of them." – George Galloway
Episode 60
Premiering September 16, 2005
Guests: Sen. Charles Schumer, PJ O'Rourke, Joy Behar, Willie Brown, Dan Senor
On John Roberts
"But my view is that somebody should - who wants this very high position - has an obligation to tell us of his views, and he didn't. And that's one of the things we're now grappling with, because we don't know enough about him on so many issues." – Sen. Charles Schumer
On Bush Taking Responsibility
"That's not saying, 'It was my fault.' That's like when a parent says, after your kid knocks a ball through somebody else's window, 'I take responsibility.' It's not saying, 'I f***ed up.'" – Bill Maher
On Poverty
"The policies of this nation that has allowed the issue of poverty - you understand, voting rights are one thing, but to just vote is not getting rid of the real problem in America. The Republican operation under George Bush has been consistently perpetuating-the existence of an incredible number of very poor people, all whom happen to be black in America." – Willie Brown
"All I want to say is that Republicans are always worried about welfare, welfare for poor people. They never talk about welfare for the rich, education, that George Bush got intoYale. How did he get into Yale? He's not that bright. I could have gotten into Yale." – Joy Behar
On Iraq
"Parts of it are really bad. The violence, the insurgency that keeps targeting Iraqis, sometimes targeting Americans, is certainly not what we expected, and it's bad and it's tragic and it's awful. That said, if you can get beyond the minute-to-minute events that furnish the daily headlines and take a look at the sort of big macro events, you actually have Iraqis risking their lives to build a democracy in the heart of a region that has never known it." – Dan Senor
"You know, if there's one thing I've hated since 9/11, it's that thing I hear all the time, that everything changed. When obviously nothing changed. The best example from the hurricane was the firefighters who came from I forget where, but they were sent down there to help, and they were given - before they could get to the disaster area - eight hours of sexual harassment sensitivity training." – Bill Maher
On the New Tend of Visitors in the Delivery Room
"I've been there. I've done that. But why don't they invite them to the conception of the child? That would be much, much more interesting. Don't you think?." – PJ O'Rourke
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